20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters
by Meeko-the-One-Armed-Dragon
Summary: 20 ways to annoy your favorite green caped hero and co.! [Chapter 8: 20 Ways to Annoy Saria is up!] Slight spoilers for the Twilight Princess.
1. 20 Ways to Annoy Link

_**It's flat! It's funny! It's digital! It's the 20 Ways to Annoy Zelda Characters! Ganandorf took over this section a and made every story serious, but now something humorous has come to save the day! First up for a good laugh…Link!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters

Chapter 1: Link

1. Melt the Master Sword and Mirror Shield. Blame the Happy Mask Salesman for it.

2. Break (in anyway possible) the Biggeron Sword and the Hyrulian Shield after melting the Master Sword. Blame the Happy Mask Salesman again.

3. Rig his fishing rod so it always goes for the bushes.

4. Invite Ezlo back into the human world. Turn him back into a hat and put it on Link's head.

5. Turn Zelda into stone.

6. Steal his wallet and empty it of all rupees. Put in bugs and hand it back to him.

7. Call Link "Fairy Boy" every time you meet him.

8. Hypnotize Epona so every time Link gets on her, she bucks him off.

9. Tamper with the Fierce Deity Mask so when Link puts it on he becomes an ugly pig.

10. Call Zelda over the phone and disguise your voice as Link's. Tell her she's an ugly pig and watch as Zelda beats up Link.

11. Take a picture of him kissing Zelda. Put it up on the Internet.

12. If he tries to kill you, say that you have a million enraged Cuccos behind you and can unleash them at will.

13. If he doesn't believe, unleash them. If he does, unleash them.

14. Switch his red potion with Nasty Soup.

15.Make a hole in his boat.

16. Tell him that Ganondorf has returned and has set up his evil fortress somewhere. When he asks where, say, "I forgot. Come back tomorrow."

17. If he comes back the next day and asks you where Ganondorf is, lead him to the dreaded LoZ Fan's Cabin.

18. Steal Navi and put it up on sale on the Internet.

19. Put to fire his Wooden Shield.

20. Rig his bombs so they explode in one second.

_**Link's Reaction:**_

"Who in the world who even think about doing these things? I, the Hero of Time and Winds, is greatly respected across Hyrule!" Link said, looking over the list again. Unfortunately, he only minimized it and left the room for sword practice.

A chill wind entered the room. Ganondorf materialized in front of the computer. Restoring the list back up on the screen, he smiled. "Oh, this is gold, pure gold," he said, smiling manically.

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Many people only saw a green blur. The green blur went all the way from Hyrule castle to Ordona Village. Locking himself in his room, Link gasped for breath.

Ever since he opened the accursed list, life was just as bad as hell for him. First his found metal pools where his Master Sword should have been. Then people kept on calling him fairy boy, even though he didn't have a fairy. Zelda then started to beat him up for no apparent reason, and since it was against the law to hurt the princess, he couldn't defend himself. Shortly after that, Cuccos pecked him to death.

Going to drink some good red potion, he stopped in his tracks when he saw what was in his bottle.

Nasty Soup.

_**Well, there you go! 20 ways to annoy the Hero of Time/Winds! Next one is Zelda!**_


	2. 20 Ways to Annoy Zelda

_**Thank you, ladies and gentleman, for the short wait, and now here's Zelda, princess of all Hyrule!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters 

Chapter Two: Zelda

1. Stain all of her dresses with fruit punch.

2. Even better, stain all of her white clothes with blood.

3. Yell, "Boo! My ancestors look better than you!" when you see her in the throne room.

4. Say, "How did it feel being possessed by Ganondorf?" whenever you see her.

5. Ask to turn into Sheik every time you see her alone.

6. If she does, scream, "AHHH! PRINCESS ZELDA HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A SHEIKAH!"

7. Ask if you can see her right hand every waking moment of your life.

8. Turn her into stone. Blame Link for it.

9. Steal her light arrows. Say that Link needed them to defeat Ganondorf.

10. If she goes to help, bring her to Ganon's fan club.

11. Face her in a duel. Laugh hysterically when she loses.

12. If she tries to kill you with magic, hold up your Mirror Shield.

13. If she tries to kill you with her sword, cast magic on her.

14. Kick her in the shin. Blame Navi for it.

15. Knock her unconscious and then graffiti her room. Write "THE KING OF RED LIONS WUZ HERE!" above her.

16. Take a picture of her in the shower. Put it up on the Internet.

17. Or give it to Link.

18. Send her blackmail with Ruto's name on it.

19. Reveal all of her deepest darkest secrets to everyone through express mail.

20. Mind control her and make her slap Link. Un-mind control her and watch as Link scolds Zelda.

_**Zelda's Reaction:**_

"How dare this author write this!" she gasped, looking at the list. "I cannot be treated like this!" In her rage, she forgot to close it, and she stormed out of the room.

Link appeared suddenly in front of the computer. Looking at the list, he smiled. "Now she'll now how it feels like being annoyed by this author." Laughing silently to himself, he copied some copies and gave them to the servants and one to Ganondorf.

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She ran as fast as for feet could carry her. Diving for her room, she locked her door and windows and collapsed on her bed.

The past few days were torture. First someone knocked her out and the next thing you know, her room was graffiti-ed. It took her a long time to wash it off. Then someone stole her light arrows and said that Link needed them to face Ganon. Of course she wanted to go along, but the thief brought her to Ganon's fan club instead. Then her favorite dress was stained in fruit punch!

Looking down, she realized how dirty her dress was. Opening her chest full of (white) dresses, she screamed so loud that Malon over at Lon Lon Ranch heard her.

Every single one was stained with blood.

**Well, there you have them. Next up, Ganon(dorf)!**


	3. 20 Ways to Annoy Ganondorf

_**Your favorite Gerdou leader, spell casting, Triforce of Power-wielding evil man, yes it's GANONDORF!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters 

Chapter 2: Ganon(dorf)

1. Keep on asking for his autograph every single moment of his life.

2. Remark on how old he is. (At least 1,250 years old)

3. Ask if you can see his right hand every moment of your life.

4. Replace his ID card with Link's.

5. Video tape the funny performance as Ganondorf tries to get into his lair. Put it up on Youtube.

6. If he tries to kill you, say that you have millions of Link clones behind you, all of them armed with a Biggeron sword.

7. If he still attacks, release them. If he doesn't, release them.

8. Take a picture of him being attacked by millions of Links. Post it on the Internet.

9. Keep on asking why he wanted to take over Hyrule every time you see him alone.

10. Ask if he likes Zelda.

11. Rig his sword so it always explodes in front of his face.

12. Curse him using his own curses.

13. Switch his wardrobe's with Link's.

14. If he wears the clothes, take a picture. If he doesn't, take ten pictures.

15. Post every single picture on the Internet.

16. Put him in one of the Fan fictions that make him die slowly and painfully.

17. Show him the Fan fiction in #16.

18. If he tries to kill you again, shoot him with a light arrow.

19. If he turns into Ganon and roars at you, offer a breath mint and say, "PU! Did wittle Gwanony-wanny forget to brush his wittle teeth again?"

20. If he still tries to kill you, whack him on the tail.

_**Ganon's reaction:**_

"They wouldn't dare! I am the king of all evil!" Ganondorf angrily said, reading down the list again. Closing it, he left the room and into the kitchen to eat.

Two peeping eyes appeared in the doorway. Link emerged and went over to his computer. Beckoning Zelda over, he went to and looked at 20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters and checked if Ganon's 20 ways were posted. They were.

Zelda smiled. "Finally. Now it's Ganon's turn to feel the pain." Printing enough copies for all of Hyrule to have one copy, she went back to the castle and disturbed them through express mail.

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Ganondorf ran as fast as he could through his castle. Running past many people, who kept asking for his autograph, he went to his room.

This has been the worst week of his life! First people kept asking to see his right hand. Then multiple times has his ID card been switched around and he was locked out of his castle. People also kept on asking if he liked Zelda, which he of course, did not! In fact, they did almost every thing the list said…

Then opening his drawers for his bath clothes, he gasped at what he saw.

Green tunics. Everywhere.

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_**I hope you like this chapter. The next person is Midna!**_


	4. 20 Ways to Annoy Midna

_**Now finally, after days of waiting, yes person it's MIDNA, (ignore this part if you don't want any spoilers) princess of the Twilight Realm!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters

Chapter 4: Midna

1. Set her up with a blind date with Zant.

2. Replace her ID card with either Ganon's or Zant's.

3. Put up her true identity up on the Internet.

4. Hypnotize Link so whenever he's in canine form and Midna gets on him, he bucks her off.

5. Ask if you may carry your, "royal highness" every time you meet her in a castle.

6. Replace her stone hat with a steel one.

7. Or destroy both hats completely.

8. Keep on asking why her eye is yellow.

9. Cover her in glue.

10. Keep on asking for her autograph.

11. Paint her room pink with yellow flowers.

12. Videotape her reaction and put it up on Youtube.

13. If she tries to kill you, say that you have a thousand Ganondorf clones hidden in a corner and can release them at will.

14. If she still attacks, release them. If she doesn't attack, still release them.

15. Take a picture of her trying to hold back a thousand Ganondorfs and put it up on Google.

16. Mess with her dark energy force so whenever she uses it, it explodes on her.

17. Push her off the ledge of City in the Sky.

18. Injure her and hide her from Link.

19. Use the Dominion Rod to control a very large statue with a hammer and make it smash Midna.

20. Steal her Fused Shadows and tell her that Zant stole it.

_**Midna's Reaction:**_

"Hmph," she said, looking at the list again with a sour expression on her face. "If anyone even dared to do anything of these things…" Turning off her monitor, she went and left the room to go help Link.

There a giant portal in front of her computer and Zant stepped out of it. Turning on the monitor, he scanned the list and smiled the best he could. "Perfect, now I can annoy her…but I defiantly won't do number one. Yuck!" Sending a copy to every one in the Twilight Realm and some to Hyrule. Zant went back through the portal after turning the monitor back off.

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Midna warped from Hyrule Castle to her room in the Twilight Room. Locking the door in case of incoming citizens asking for her autograph, she faced the door while reviewing what happened.

Ever since she saw that list, life has been worse than living in Hell. First she saw broken bits of rock and steel when she went to put on her hat. Next, when she went to take a shower, glue came out instead of water and made her stick to the wall for a good five hours. When a servant came to free her, he shouted like she was deaf, "May I escort you to your room, your highness?" into a MEGAPHONE at top volume! It was so loud that she thought the folk at castle town could of heard it!

Turning around, Midna screamed and fainted when she saw what someone done to her room.

Someone painted it pink. With smiley faces and flowers.


	5. 20 Ways to Annoy Zant

_**Now finally, the king of the Twilight Realm, yes it's ZANT!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters

Chapter 5: Zant

1. Call him shrink when you shrink him with the ball and chain in the Snowpeak Ruins boss arena.

2. Keep on calling him things like "deranged" and "crazy" whether you meet him.

3. Take a thing that can reflect energy blasts and give it to Link.

4. Break his swords.

5. Put a bomb in his stone-hat-thingamabob. Set it to detonate whenever he's wearing it.

6. Redecorate his castle with bright colors and lights. Videotape his reaction.

7. When he tries to kill you, hold up the Light Sword and say you have archer surrounding him with light arrows and can shoot at anytime.

8. If he still tries to kill you, give the signal to the archers to fire. If not, still give the signal.

9. Take a picture of him with lots of light arrows sticking out of him. Put it up on the Internet.

10. If he tries to kill you when he's a floating giant, hold up a giant spike when he falls down and watch him squeal with pain.

11. Set him up with a blind date with Midna.

12. Or even better, force him to marry Zelda.

13. Keep on poking him and say you're testing to see if he's a ghost.

14. Approach him as a false god and say you'll give him unlimited power and health if he kisses one hundred girls from castle town and must hold each kiss for a half an hour.

15. If he does do it, videotape as Zant kisses one hundred girls from castle town.

16. Destroy the castle with a circle of bombs. Take a picture of his reaction.

17. When he tries to kill you again, say that you have a Light Sword and Mirror Shield and you're not afraid to use it.

18. When he still attacks, stab him and block. Repeat.

19. Say into a megaphone to all of the Twilight Realm, "ZANT LIKES MIDNA!"

20. Destroy his computer to a point of no return.

_**Zant's Reaction:**_

"What!?" Zant exclaimed, reading the list. "Whoever made this list will PAY!" Setting the computer on stand by, he made a portal and went to find the author of the list.

Then another portal appeared, and out came Midna on top of Link. Both of them going up to the computer and waking it up, they laughed when they saw Zant's list.

"This is pure gold!' Link barked, going up to send it to everyone on Zant's address list.

"I got a faster way," Midna said, pushing him aside. Opening a portal to the City in the Sky, she made telepathic letters and sent them through the portal, making sure everyone got one.

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Gasping for breath, Zant ran all the way from his friend's house to his castle, locking the door as the pokers advanced. He still saw the bright colors and light but paid no attention to them when he sat down on his pink throne, relaxing a bit. He went over what happened so far.

Lately, everyone started to do stuff on the accursed list. First people started to call him "crazy man" every time they meet him. Then they painted the entire castle his least favorite colors, pink and yellow! Then when he tried to kill everyone, they waved their swords and thousands of light arrows pierced into him. He could have sworn he heard clicks of a camera.

After a few moments of peace and sanity, there was a large BOOM, and the castle started to rumble. Looking out of the window, he cursed when he saw what was happening.

The castle was sinking.

_**Well, hope you liked it! The next chapter is by vote! Choose your favorite character to be next and I'll tally up the votes! Most votes win!**_


	6. 20 Ways to Annoy Tingle

_**Now, finally, after a realllllllly long wait, here comes the winner of the vote…TINGLE! The next competitors are some of the characters like Diababa from LoZ: TTP, or the Sages in the LoZ: Oot.**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters 

Chapter 6: Tingle

1. Keep on saying, "Old man, aren't you to young to be looking for fairies?"

2. Paint his room red with lots of bloody pictures and videotape his reaction.

3. Put the video from #2 on Youtube, Google, or some other popular site.

4. Keep on popping his red balloons.

5. Copy his 'magic words' and keep on saying them.

6. Steal his maps and sell them to the public.

7. Steal his green costume and switch them with red and black ones. Take a picture of him wearing or not wearing the new costume.

8. Lock him up in a jail for all of eternity.

9. Taunt him on the fact that he isn't in the Twilight Princess.

10. Give him a fake fairy that keeps on saying, "I want to leave you now, old man."

11. Give him a sign that says, "I believe in fairies even though I'm over 37 years old" for his birthday.

12. Give him a prison jumpsuit for Christmas.

13. Keep on poking him and when he asks why, say, "I want to see if you are rat-infested."

14. If he tries to bop you on the head, hit him with a Fairy Sword. When he asks where you got it, say, "None of your beeswax, grandpa!"

15. Make maps in an eternity code and ask Tingle to descrier them. When he can't taunt him that he can't descrier anything.

16. Destroy the Tingle GBA thing-a-ma-bob.

17. Force Tingle to kiss Ganondorf. Laugh at him when he does.

18. Make Navi stay with Tingle for a day, and then leave.

19. Blow up his house with fairy dust.

20. When he's sleeping, paint his new home really hideous colors.

_**Tingle's Reaction:**_

"How dare this person write this about me!" Tingle exclaimed, reaching the end of the list. "They always say that I'm too old to hunt for fairies, but I'll prove them wrong, yes-sire I will!" Taking a butterfly net, he marched down to the Kokiri Forest, determined to get a fairy. Unfortunately, he put the list on his favorites list and closed the window in his rage.

A cloud of fairy dust appeared, and the Great Fairy with Navi, Tatl, and Tael came out. Turning to the other fairies, the Great Fairy asked, "Who wants to annoy Tingle?"

"Me!" The three fairies said all at once.

Opening his Internet browser and going to favorites, she clicked on "20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters- Tingle" and read the list. "Perfect." The Great Fairy then called other pink fairies and told them to bring this list to everyone and everything they meet.

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Tingle ran as fast as he could on his little legs from the Kokiri Forest back to his cottage. Slamming the door shut and locking it, he took a deep breath a deep breath and recalled everything that happened in the past three days.

First, for his birthday, he got about ten signs that read, "I believe in fairies even though I'm over 37 years old", and later, his log cabin, all of a sudden, exploded in a cloud of fairy dust. Then a blue fairy came to him for a day, (which made him extremely happy) but then left the same night. Tingle then a made a connection between the event; they were all on the list he opened on Sunday.

Deciding to take a shower, he went to his drawers and opened them, only to scream like a little girl when he saw what was inside instead of his green jumpsuits.

Red jumpsuits with spiders all over them and prison ones.

_**Well, here's Tingle's list, and now in the next then votes, whoever has the most votes for either TTP or OoZ will get their username featured and the most popular choice done. Well, what are you waiting for? VOTE!!!!!**_


	7. 20 Ways to Annoy Ruto

_**Sorry for the five-month update guys! Anyway, on popular request, the next person we'll torture…I mean annoy, is PRINCESS RUTO! Then we'll continue from Saria until we reach Nabooru, and then we'll do the TTP characters next.**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters 

Chapter Seven: Ruto

1. Tell Link what an engagement ring is. Then watch Link dump Ruto (Joke from the manga…).

2. Dye the Zora Fountain with a red dye that will be permanent on a certain princess Zora's scales. Take a picture and put it up on the Internet.

3. Draw her in a reallllllly inappropriate pose. Oh, and include her...things.

4. Make a Youtube video feature the picture in #3. Add corny music.

5. Keep on asking her, "Do fish sticks come from Zoras?" every time you meet her.

6. Call her Mrs. Fishysticks whenever you're with her in public.

7. Set up a factory near Zora Fountain that manufactures fish sticks from the fish in Zora Fountain.

8. Unleash Morpheel or Morpha into Zora Fountain. Tell it to go solely after Ruto.

9. Put a toaster into the Fountain when only Ruto's in it. Give her an iron wool-towel to dry off with.

10. If she tries to kill her, say you have a million electrical-charged Morphas behind you and can unleash them at will.

11. If she still tries to kill you (which she probably will), unleash them. Sell tickets to let others watch Ruto get tortured.

12. Keep on saying, "Wow Ruto! Do you live on steaks?" every time you meet her.

13. Make Jabu-Jadu eat Ruto again. Bar the entrance to his belly so no one can rescue her.

14. Keep on poking her and when she asks why you're doing that, reply that you're trying to test if she's a ghost.

15. Find the place where they store the Water Bombs. Bring them all over to the place where the Sages live (whether you have to annoy Link or not) and set them all off near Ruto.

16. Tell Ruto that nobody likes her every time she's with someone important.

17. Equip her with shocking devices that will only some off if you push a button on a remote.

18. "Break" the remote listed in #17.

19. Start a "We All Hate Ruto" Club in Zora's Fountain.

20. Blackmail Link into joining the "We All Hate Ruto" Club.

_**EXTRA WAY**_(because everyone likes to torture Ruto:D)

21. Paint all of her posters of Link so they say, "I WANT YOU TO GO OFF AND TAKE A BATH IN ACID!"

_**Ruto's Reaction:**_

Ruto stood up sending dagger glares to the innocent computer screen, making the poor thing cry. "HOW DARE THIS AUTHOR EVEN THINK ABOUT BREAKING ME UP WITH LINKY-POO!?!?!?!" Rushing out the door but stopping to grab her Catch-Linky-Poo-O-Matic Net, (yes, she's that crazy) she busted down the door opening the Chamber of Sages to the outside world and marched off in a huffy to make an attempt to catch Link.

There then were six pairs of eyes peeking over to Ruto's computer monitor thanks to her forgetting to close the door when she left. The other six sages crept over to the crying, buzzing device where they scanned the list. Pretty soon they sprouted evil smiles that could give Ganondorf a run for his money.

Rauru turned to the others grinning like a shark. "Who wants to distribute this to the Zoras in the Fountain?"

Saria stepped forward and placed her hand on the mouse. "I'll do it. That girl deserves it after what's she's done!"

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Ruto swam for her life, trying to ignore the people yelling stuff about fish sticks and steaks above the river that lead to Zora's Domain. Breaking the surface of the water when she was successfully able to get there and ward off the evil list-followers, she sat down on the bank and caught her breath.

How did everything turn into living hell? Ruto went over the past three-day's designs. First someone set up a fish stick factory in the fountain, and then put red dye in the water when she was taking her private relaxing bath (hey, being a Sage isn't fun and games you know!). After that, someone had the nerve to let loose a million electrified Morphas in her private room in the Chamber of Sages after blowing it up with water bombs! Now that she thought about it, the Sages were snickering in private corners when they thought she wasn't looking. And that list…

Eyes widened in horror, she barged into her now-repaired room and found her worst fears had come true.

Every single poster in her room with Link on it said, "I WANT YOU TO KISS A TOASTER IN WATER" with big, bold letters.

_**Finally, it's done! I got bored one day and decided to work on this…Next one's Saria, Sage of the Forest!**_


	8. 20 Ways to Annoy Saria

_**Now, resuming our rightful order of annoyance, now we'll annoy…SARIA!!!!**_

20 Ways to Annoy Legend of Zelda Characters

Chapter 8: Saria

1. Hook Link up with Zelda.

2. Even better, force Link to get married with Ruto!

3. Dye her hair red and use Freckles-Be-Appearing! on her.

4. Resurrect Phantom Ganon and make it so that it captures her and Link knows nothing of it.

5. Force her to secretly marry Mido so Link can't take out his sword and chop Mido into hotdogs.

6. Cut down the Koriki Forest and build large factories in the cleared land.

7. Stick a Post-It on her back that says, "Chop off one of my body parts."

8. Make a cobra bite her. When she gets to the nearest hospital, hide the antidote to the poison.

9. Give her a free trip to the Sahara Desert. Leave her there once you get there.

10. If she refuses to go, blackmail her into going.

11. Rig her door in the Chamber of Sages so it falls on her.

12. Replace all of her food in her refrigerator with veal, beef, and other meats.

13. When she tries to kill you, spray paint her with red paint.

14. Destroy all nearby sources of water so she can't wash off the red paint.

15. Give her a lobster costume when its time for Halloween.

16. When she's sleeping, sneak headphones into her ears and play the loudest song you can think of at top volume.

17. Capture thousands of spiders. Set them free in her room.

18. Destroy the fairy ocarina in front of her.

19. Set Saria-super fans on her.

20. Put a bomb in her clothes. When she goes out for an important meeting, set the bomb off.

_**Saria's Reaction:**_

Saria let out a large gasp. "The nerve of this author! That is it, I am going off to make sure he or she cannot post any other vile chapters!" Stopping to pick up her bazooka, the Forest Sage went off to find the author's house.

After a few minutes, the sound of flippers on stone could be heard and Ruto's head popped out from behind the door. Sneaking over to the eco-friendly computer, (how, I do not know) she scanned the list Saria accidentally left open. Smirking, she readied her spray gun, cobra, and Post-Its.

"That annoying little brat's going to pay for what she did…"

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With her heart pounding in her chest, The Sage of the Forest fought the urge to stop for a while and rest. Why? Because, thousands of spiders, cobras, super-fans, and murderous people were chasing her, and it was obvious that they all had the same target: her. Hopping onto the elevator that led to the Chamber of Sages (they built that after Ruto destroyed the door separating the chamber to the real world), she took a breather, hoping that no other list-followers had come up to the chamber.

Leaning against the elevator door, Saria thought about the past few days' events. First, she heard that she was being forced to marry Mido (she hoped to the goddesses that Link would come and rescue her)! Also, multiple times she was awoken up by blaring music in her ears, causing permanent damage to her sensitive eardrums. And all of that doesn't include that on the night before Halloween, someone sent her a LOBSTER costume! And she didn't even like lobster! Now, Saria was bright, bright enough to know someone sent the list out to people. But who…

The elevator door opened, sending Saria landing on her back. Looking up, she saw that her worst nightmare had come true.

Wedding bells rang as Link and Ruto were married to each other, right in front of her.

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_**Yay! I've finally gotten over my Internet game addiction!**__** (Cheers) Now that we're done having a party, the next Sage we'll annoy is Darunia, the Sage of Fire!**_


End file.
